Take A Chill Pill, Please!
24 May 2012 1 Comment
in Lifestyle Tags: Arrogance, Condescending, Delusion, Ego Tripping, Ideology, Madness, Malady, Need to impress, Oppression, Pride, Status quo, Superiority
I live in a society, particularly, a city that is largely driven by impressions. Real or apparent, that is besides the point! What others think of you is the motivating force, sometimes the only motivation for a lot of the things we do. It is the status quo syndrome that fosters the need to conform even if it means staying untrue to self. Being a non-conformist by nature, I find it amusing and sometimes distasteful when I see people exhibiting symptoms of this long-standing societal malady which is often accompanied by the need to oppress others while at it. It is so entrenched in the system; you’d be wrong to call it a trend.
This ideology that borders on oppressing and intimidating others or treating people condescendingly simply because they do not fit into “your class” is pretty shallow, baseless and sickening. I believe people in general should be treated right and with equality regardless their creed, beliefs, faith and economic standing. It’s sad but it is not uncommon to find at the root of most aspirations the need to prove our superiority to people who don’t give a toss; people who are simply consumed with their own daily struggles.
The city of Lagos
We are often encouraged to make each day count towards bettering ourselves as individuals but how often do we bear this in mind as we relate with people? In the bid to massage this ego tripping , tactless utterances are dispersed towards others like arrows on a deadly mission without consideration nor inhibition. I find it commonplace for some people to think because of their “exposure” and “pedigree”, it is impossible to mingle or be nice to someone outside their “caucus”. Truth be told, that is a sign of complex, a cancerous one at that.
Like the undiscriminating Tsetse fly, this state of delusive thinking bites and affects both the poor and rich. Often times I wonder what the madness is all about. There is the constant need to show-off, the need to earn bragging rights over nothing. This is often a subset of self-validation. I believe there is more to life than this myopic state of living. Understand, Life is like a mirror; you can only see as much as it reflects per time. Do yourself a favour and take a chill pill with the arrogance, pride and condescending nastiness towards others; situations change with time. You’d be surprised! 
I am certain this is not only peculiar to my city; some of you can relate to it one way or the other. I’d love to hear your opinion(s) on this matter. Let’s get talking.
Photo Credit: Jimmy Lawanson Photography
Love Me Patiently!
19 May 2012 10 Comments
in Dating & Relationships, Lifestyle, Marriage, Movie Review Tags: family relationships, Love, Marriage, Movie, Patiently, The Vow, true events
Okay!
Today has been a pretty laid back day for me and I just finished seeing the movie The Vow. Yeah, yeah…call me stale, that doesn’t really bother me :p …lol! It is indeed a beautiful movie inspired by true events. Here is my brief;
Paige moved into the city, a result of strained family relationships, met Leo, fell in love and they got married. After which, they had a ghastly accident which left Paige in coma for several weeks. Upon recovery, she suffered partial memory loss. She couldn’t remember anything post her move to the city…meaning, she became clueless of who Leo was and is. In a nutshell, this tested the love they once deeply shared…
If you are yet to see the movie, I suggest you find time to. It’s a good one and the first movie that I would be musing about on my blog.
This movie only affirms my belief as it relates to love. To love is a decision and not just a feeling. It transcends all the butterflies that flutter in your belly at the thought or sight of a pretty chic/tall dark & handsome. Loving demands patience and that is NOT optional. However, we live in a time where our very existence is threatened by the need for instantaneous gratification. We want everything now and any deviation from what we presume to be the ideal must be done away with. We are least bothered about working through the process. If it’s not happening now, it’s not acceptable. End of!
Here’s my question, How often do we look within ourselves to see if we hold in us that which we demand or are demanding of others? I think the 21st century media has significantly contributed to this Instantaneous Gratification Syndrome that now plagues us as a generation. To fix a broke gear takes a process, our problem is, we lack that patience and positive outlook required to endure that repair process. I can’t remember where but I read the saying of an elderly couple not too long ago which i will paraphrase. They said the reason younger marriages don’t last in today’s world is because in their time, if it’s broken, you FIX it! However, with our generation, if it’s broken, you DISCARD it! That’s the IGS at work. 
The kind of love expressed by Leo towards his confused wife Paige is one that teaches acceptance, tolerance, patience and sheer kindness. There is the need to understand that we as humans have different forms encapsulated in us. I can strongly testify to that for I am a woman with plenteous idiosyncrasies…trust me ( laughing)! I have accepted this as an intrinsic part of my being and I make the conscious effort to accept and deal with fellow humans with this same mindset. Everyone has “issues”, seriously, we all got issues!!! And the frustrating bit is that people judge you without walking an inch in your shoes and even try to justify their judgement of you. The reality is, the shoes are mine, they are on my feet and you are never going to wear them because you are never going to be me. So, rather than hurriedly judge another for character flaws, I’m learning to exercise more patience as I have cause to relate with people. Accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be.
Here’s the fun part. It is never a smooth ride and that is where patience with endurance come in. I beg to say this is what is majorly lacking in our generation. We all want life on the fast lane. We are never willing to wait it out or see it through. Always looking for the next big thing. This is the attitude the media is successfully imparting into us through adverts, songs, magazines and what have you. People who are in touch with “real” life would tell you that with every relationship comes its own testing. Get real!
I was watching a reality TV show the other day and practically all the participants did not forget to say they are fun persons meanwhile, they got about 90 days to prove this of which many turn out to be yawn-fests. At that point, it occurred to me, this cliché -”I’m a fun person”- is actually overrated. Relationships, be it marriage or otherwise, do and would go through boring patches. So, before you “fun-loving person” hop on the next funky ride, can you try bringing the fun into your relationship first of before going-a-seeking. I mean, Leo could have hopped like a free-spirited bird on to the next fun thing rather than loving her patiently with all her idiosyncrasies but he understood love and its demands. The moral of the story is, When you are there in it, be there. Give it your all else you may outsmart yourself. It’s a mix bag, be ready to take it all.
Sometimes, when there seem to be a major road block, it necessarily doesn’t spell quit, rather, starting from where it all started, going back to the beginning may be all you need to do to help bring it all into perspective.
Another aspect of the movie that struck me deeply is the sheer pressure that comes from family. In our bid to keep them sweet, we play to the family gallery at the expense of fostering a meaningful relationship with our partner. We want to meet their expectations even when it means throwing away the real thing in order to conform. It may sound mean but I find it true, sometimes, our families try to influence us in our relationships and most times, they do a very shoddy job while at it. Understanding priorities and learning to prioritize them according to their importance is of great essence.
That’s me done….I love the movie and would see it again. Had so many notable quotes in it. I will leave you with this one.
“A moment of impact holds potential for change, has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict, sending some particles crashing together, making them closer than before while sending others spinning off into great adventures, landing where you’d thought we’d never find them. You see, that’s – that’s the thing about moments like these. You can’t, no matter how hard you try, control how they’re going to affect you. You just got to let the colliding particles land where they’re meant and wait until the next collision.” – The Vow
A fellow blogger once said, “You don’t stop dreaming because you has a nightmare so don’t stop loving because you once loved and lost”
You never give up on L♥√ع. That is who we are deep down.
Photo Credits: https://www.facebook.com/TheVow
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The Age of Maturity…
19 May 2012 2 Comments
in Lifestyle
“Age is only but a number that offers a grand illusion of maturity to the unsuspecting. The higher the number, the more likely the susceptibility to this state of delusion. Contrary to the prevailing belief system, with age does not come maturity. Life has shown that men advanced in age can be left destitute of wisdom and sound counsel thus causing disbelief at certain attitudinal display at times.Maturity is a conscious state of being. It is a decision not just an acquisition through elongated existence on planet earth. Sadly, it is pretty easy to bask in the grandeur of this sad delusion.” – NubianWaters
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A TWIST TO JOSEPH KONY
06 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Invisible Children‘s Poster on Joseph Kony
Before you spread the word, take time to think first. How many times have you been fed a pitiful image about Africa that prompted you to suddenly become a temporary social media activist? You can’t remember? How many times have you watched a documentary framing an issue that speaks to a crisis in Africa, and you shed a tear and were moved to repost the video to your FB timeline, or even shared it inbox to raise awareness on the matter?
The frailty of life
27 Apr 2012 1 Comment
in Lifestyle Tags: Death, focus, frailty, granted, life, opportunity, priority, rolling wave
Our lives more often than not are set in daily routines that could sometimes cause us to be blinded to other things outside the circumference of our focus or set ways. Having justified our priorities based on that which is important to us, distractions are mostly unwelcome. I recently heard a line of prayer that really got me thinking… “Help us prioritize our importances according to that which is important”, it hit me like a strong rolling wave. Then I thought, is it possible to set priorities in the wrong order?…hmmmm! This led to more inquisitive questions such as; What is the baseline/benchmark for measuring the order of prioritization? If there is, what informed it?
Recent weeks have been pretty eventful with many celebrations, many joys, new challenges, and a few deaths, sadly. The news of yet another loved one passing on brings to the surface the issue of how frail life can truly be. One minute here, the next, gone! It makes me ponder on how we sometimes take so many things and people for granted simply because of either excessive familiarity or nonchalance. Our circumference of focus sometimes doesn’t help as well.
As oppose to actualizing the bigger picture which is absolutely important, the little things are more important, that, I know and I’m beginning to incorporate into my daily routines. I drive pass his home quite often but never stop to say a quick hello. My gaze was always set on the preconceived destination, a detour, not being part of the plan. The news of his death broke my heart but I am more pained by the fact that the opportunities I had were taken for granted.
The little things do really make a difference. More than things, people are not always going to be around forever. We all hope and pray for longevity but life does happen. Seize the moment while you have it. I am learning daily never to underestimate time for the now is the physical currency we have to spend and tomorrow a promissory note that may never be.
Peace and have a great weekend!
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Writer’s Block!!!
07 Apr 2012 1 Comment
Nubian is in the deep at the moment with too many issues being processed all at the same time. It’s a transition! I can’t really decide what to write on and how best to express it but should come around soon enough. All the same, thanks for stopping by!
Two left legs and a salsa class!
20 Mar 2012 8 Comments
in Dance, Lifestyle Tags: dance, funny, merengue, salsa, social
6:45, said the digital clock on the dashboard of my sliver baby. I could hear its heart pulsating…poor thing! I had driven like a maniac, skillfully weaving through the light Sunday traffic just to reach my destination. The class starts 7 pm prompt on each day of the weekend. Not in a hurry to age exponentially behind my steering wheels, I opted for the Sunday classes. Saturday traffic in my hood leaves one extremely exasperated, putting it mildly. Like the ceaseless ripples of the furious waves of the Atlantic, so does the traffic gridlock extends into all adjoining roads in the axis until it’s a complete standstill with no further space to inch into. Phew!
Contrary to my earlier imagination, the views from my side & rear view mirrors were nothing short of an exodus of a weight-conscious generation seeking respite through salsacise. OK, that’s me exaggerating but quite a number of people had turned up. I couldn’t help but notice a few cute and fit-looking guys amidst them but being a sapiosexual by nature, that may just be the beginning and end of the attraction. The pot-bellied ones were duly represented also. Majority of the dance students in attendance were ladies, ranging in sizes… S to XXL! Some came in appropriately dressed while some simply caused my eyes moments of excruciating visions.
I made my way to the makeshift dance studio located right behind a popular café in town. The patio lounge of the café gets cleared for this purpose. I felt my tummy rumble relentlessly, a sign of nervousness and overwhelming anxiety. Not again! I repeatedly muttered to myself, “just get a grip and have fun, it’s not a competition after all!” I simply couldn’t understand why I felt so much pressure to perform till I remembered my baby sister, as a matter of fact, my baby sisters, yes, them two!!!
Source: Google Images
All through my growing years with them, they perpetually ganged up on me whenever the talk on dance came up. I agree, they are better steppers than I am by default but I honestly do not deserve the age-long title “two left legs”! Even with the physical distance life has imposed on us, a brief run of my dance intent by them over telephone conversations unleashed their venomous jeers once more…major blunder! Adamant and not deterred, this salsa class I will attend. Waiting patiently for the instructors to set-up, I struck conversation with a pair of siblings nearby.
Now, Angel has been dancing salsa a little over two-year and she practically knows all the hot spots in town where to get your salsa groove on. The news of that intimidated me instantly but like the sweet angel she turned out to be, she senses my nerves a mile off and did great justice in calming them. There it was, the needed encouragement for this self-imposed, point-proving daunting adventure I have embarked on. Without soliciting, I got myself a two-man cheer-leading squad for the evening. I went with the intent of inquiring and observing but ended up gyrating.
Being a ‘smartie’ as I was fondly called by an old friend, in minutes I got a good hang of the basics. I was told, to dance salsa, you must keep the count…1,2,3,_,5,6,7 in your head always. In addition, I was shown three other basic steps. Seeing I was getting into the rhythm of it all, I couldn’t help but think about my sisters – my tormentors! My vision of them watching me perform was that of dropped jaws and popped eyeballs, nothing short of Jim Carrey’s act in The Mask! *evil smack*.
The commanding voice of the petite male instructor calling all to fall in line for warm-up snapped me out of my daydream but I didn’t forget to pause their faces on that envisioned state…hehehe! We group danced the electric shuffle to some sultry song and then did some salsa basics to another. I didn’t find the latter as smooth as the former. He kept calling some steps I was completely clueless about, forgetting I’m only but a beginner-duh! Maybe I should have stuck the ‘L’ sticker on my forehead. *rolling eyes*
Source: Google Images
“Grab a partner, grab a partner”, he ordered. Does that include me?, I thought. Before I could say Jack Robinson, I was assigned a partner promptly, one whom everyone referred to as “Mr. Sexy”…eww! In my humble opinion, I had a hard time reconciling the nickname with the figure that stood before me. Need I say more? You could tell he made a concerted effort to colour coördinate his purple & plum combo, don’t ask me in what order! Despite, with extra sensory nasal cavity like mine, I couldn’t help but sniff the stench of old sweat oozing intermittently from him. How shall I cope?, I lamented silently. Honestly, for a moment I wished I was partnering with ‘my man’, one with whom I am guaranteed a mesmerizing fine musky fragrance’. Then, at least, syncing would have been effortless. *sigh*
“Today, we are learning a new dance called Merengue. It involves a lot of hip action!”, he said. Blah blah blah….on and on he went, giving a fairly rounded background on the origin of the dance. I tried to concentrate on that but I couldn’t. I was more consumed with how I would have to dance with a complete stranger. Admittedly, I suffer a mild degree of OCD (Obsessive compulsive Disorder) as it relates to undesired proximity or nearness to a stranger. Mr. Sexy’s plastered smile unnerved me. Oh! how I wished he could just hide them teeth. Arced lips would have sufficed! I found out much later during the routines he was just being true to self. Bless him!
“Ladies, sway the hips..sway the hips, hold his hips…hold his hips” he barked repeatedly, almost sounding like a broken record as we danced the various routines being taught. Merengue seem a more sensual dance than salsa dance. This I obviously wasn’t prepared for, for day one. I would have loved it more if I had ‘merengued’ with ‘my man’…hopefully someday soon…but it’s all good.
In all, it was an exhilarating experience, one of triumph over the taunting of my tormenting duo, love them to bits regardless. I must say, I was well commended after the class by my two-man cheer-leading squad and both instructors. For a first timer, I excelled. I look forward to the next class, hoping to adapt better and learn a lot faster. I left the dance floor with my heart racing, legs flexing, smile beaming, sweats beading and my mind soaring…loved it! Mostly, I had my bathroom on my mind!
Today, my body is yet to be copacetic. I woke to deeper stings of sore muscles all over. The ones in the bum cheek regions hurt most especially, thanks to excessive swaying but to salsa i will return!
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Ripple effect!
12 Mar 2012 8 Comments
in Dating & Relationships, Lifestyle Tags: Forgiveness, lifestyle, Relationships, Unforgiveness
The ocean breeze at 10pm felt so distinctively warm for July. The tropical rains had been quite generous, characteristic of that time of the year. Thankfully, the shores were dry that night. We found a perfect spot and settled down on the gritty sharp sand without much fuss. It would be my first time on a beach at that time of the night with him. This sort of scenario, obviously in a more romantic setting, I had imagined and longed for since my days of exposure to Mills & Boon. Though I would have preferred it being on the beaches of the Caribbean or somewhere in the Maldives, but alas, it was the notorious Bar beach along the Lagos shores. I struggled reconciling my cherished imagination with my apparent reality and tried to make the most of my last moments with him. Romance was the furthest thing on my mind.
A wild and adventurous soul he was. He struck my conservative chords, producing harmonies I never thought resided in me. Our talk that night was intense as unforeseen revelations loomed for him. The tides before us busied themselves with the production of an orchestrated symphony of the night. He was my sweet temptation, a distraction from all my unventilated frustrations. My work at that time in my life had been a nightmare but the renumeration was my only consolation and sole motivation. We were work colleagues and he wasn’t oblivious of the every detail of my daily horror. Madam “Boss-zilla” had made real her earlier threats and true to her sworn words, the anticipated promotion eluded me for the second time in a row.
A moment of silence passed as my thoughts drifted. For more than 2 years, I broke sweats daily to constantly save her “behind” from the scrutinizing eyes of management yet her best repayment plan for me was the less than average appraisal she gave me bi-annually. I couldn’t wrap my head around it, something wasn’t adding up. At every available chance, she uninhibitedly displayed unadulterated hatred towards my person. Being an anti-social by default, the lunch room where all the juicy, and mostly, unpalatable office gossips took place was never my favourite destination. However, as fate would have it, I walked in on them talking about the “three-some saga” brewing that particular afternoon.
Deeply engrossed in their “brain-storming session”, my presence was seldom noticed. This afforded me the opportunity to hear my own story being told. It was only at this point did the reason for the animosity made perfect sense. It took every ounce of self-control I could muster to keep my cool and the strength of focus of a ready hunter to stay awake. I almost fainted! My blood boiled as beads of sweat formed indiscriminately on my forehead and upper-lip, my armpit and the crease behind my knees weren’t spared. The split unit air-conditioner coupled with the oscillating fan above me was of non-effect! What my ears heard that noon was too much for my fragile heart to handle.
How is this possible? Adrian and Madam “Boss-zilla” engaged??? They rarely spoke. Adrian and I had been dating for almost 2 years, a common knowledge around the office. We spent a lot of time together after work and at the weekends. We talked about her a lot and he never hid his displeasure. So, What was I missing? I even gathered from the grapevine they had been dating for almost 2 years as well. The sudden wrap of his arms around me startled my thought process and with uncontrollable reflexes, sizzling hot and spicy slaps repeatedly landed on both his cheeks simultaneously…double whammies! He managed to grip my volatile arms as I crumbled like dominoes to the floor.
I desperately wanted to be held by him yet the thought of his arms around me drove me insane. I long for comfort at the very source of my pain, a paradox to say the least. In my crouched state, I could feel the overwhelming pangs of resentment welling within me, the shame of having been the office joke for so long wasn’t far behind. My soul wrestled in me as it struggled with the effect of 2 years of over-dose on lies and deceit, a measure too deadly for any human soul to sustain health. The phrase, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” meant nothing more than the barking of a toothless bull dog for I was too weak to launch any fury attacks, too dazed to think straight. The one thing I knew as I stood from my crumbled state was the long walk I was about to take from it all.
It’s been three years and four months since that fateful day when I walked away from Adrian, Madam “Boss-zilla”, my vulturous work colleagues and my nightmare of a job. Nothing has changed much. Here I am, struggling with the feeling of unforgiveness which has now graduated into bitterness and mistrust, affecting my relationships on different levels. Knowing that Adrian and Madam “Boss-zilla” eventually solemnized their union hasn’t made it any easier. Oh! how deep and unsearchable is the desperate wickedness resident in the heart of man!
The thoughts of forgiving them for the emotional and psychological torments I ignorantly endured in their hands was one I never entertained. How could I? I am yet to forgive myself for being so vulnerable and undiscerning. Forgiving is the way to heal, this I have heard many times over but isn’t it easier said than done? Could the lack of a deserving closure be responsible for my inability to move on? How does one forge ahead having experienced such level of deception? It’s been three years, four months and counting… deep in the abyss of despair I remain.
Source: Google Images
Nubian’s Thoughts:
Logical reasoning would justify our determination not to forgive some specific wrongs done against us. However, in my sojourn in life so far, I have come to the realization that forgiveness is a willful act that can only be fostered by a deep understanding of it as a gesture of benevolence to an undeserving soul, so to say.
Choosing to forgive truly liberates. It facilitates the healing process and makes you the better person. To forgive self is the first step on the road to recovery. You need to be in a healthy frame of mind and being to extend a hand of healing to another.
Even with the knowledge of this, I have had to deal with some stubborn stumps of unforgiveness in specific situations at some point in my life too. One thing that helps me through it is an illustration I heard many years back. It is impossible to hold something down and at the same time move away from it. Same is the case when we hold others down in unforgiveness. Liberation becomes evasive. Progress is impeded.
Unforgiveness is cancerous to the human soul. It eats you up and literally sucks life out of you. It is pointless holding anyone down in unforgiveness. I have come to realise that the unforgiving person hurts more than the unforgiven on the long run. The ripple effect it generates in one’s life can’t even be compared with the devastating effect of a vicious hurricane storm.
Asides the deposits of hate, bitterness and resentment it leaves on the soul, unforgiveness can sometimes turn us into the very character we despise in our offenders. Long after the departure of the offender, we may be left with a prolonged battle within that could span over many years of preventable misery.
I leave you with these thoughts;
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Katherine Ponder
“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.” -Anonymous
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time-just like it does for you and me.” - Sara Paddison
“The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart, not from the mind.” -Sheri Rosenthal
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Let it breathe…
03 Mar 2012 9 Comments
in Dating & Relationships Tags: Breathe, Dating, Desperate, hook up, passionate romance, Relationships, Time
We were welcomed by the regular chaos on the high street as Linda and I stepped out of the office for lunch. The sun was out in all its glory, scorching us bitterly as we made a brisk five-minute walk to our regular café. The unrelenting smack on her face gave her away, I knew she had something up her sleeves. Quickly, we ordered some sinful delights without caution nor consideration for the possible side effects. Let the scales deal with that!
The first bite barely made it into my mouth before she launched her attack. Like Russian missiles on a deadly mission, her questions, observations, suggestions and brilliant hook-up idea kept pouring in. The thought of an impending hook-up thrilled me. I must confess, a hopeless romantic I am! The greasy meal that laid before me was barely touched and fast running cold as I mopped every juicy detail of Ken with eager anticipation. In my usual self, I was already standing next to a faceless Ken at the altar. Hopeless “desperado” I hear you say. Whatever!!!
Come friday same week, my status update read “TGIF”, right across all my social media platforms. I mean, my tweet, Facebook update, bbm update…name it. It meant much more than the last work day of the week for me this time around. I was super crazy excited. Linda had arranged “the Ken and I” hook-up for the day, yay! Concentration at work was a lost battle with spasms of day-dreaming filling most of my unproductive hours. The plan was, to be picked up by Ken from my workplace at half six in the evening. He was right on time.
My heart raced faster than Hamilton’s car on Formula 1 track as my phone rang and his name stared right back at me. Trembling as I picked his call, I managed to comport my vocals as he announced his arrival. Hurriedly, I dashed out of the office and with every strength I could muster, slowed down and walked gracefully toward him. His smile was endearing, that melted my heart permanently. The evening was fast spent with every second invested in knowing more about each other. Every single evening of the subsequent days became our haven, our ritual, our private tradition. Asking me to write a mini biography about him wouldn’t be a tall order.
It’s now three weeks and two days since I met Ken and it feels like the “relationship” is stuck in a blurry spot. I need to know what we are doing. We are getting too invested in this or is it just me. I boldly asked Ken the next evening where exactly is the destination of all these. He communicates with precision but his response on this occasion was incoherent. He developed an instant case of chronic stammer. This has now left me apprehensive.
I ran my thoughts by Linda the next day at work and I was taken aback with her response. “Dora, I think it’s rather too soon to query such”, she said. In my defense, I told her how much time we have been spending together and how he ticks a lot of my boxes and how open he is in communicating. “What if he has said all he wants to say to you already?” , she asked. This gave me rude jolts.
I spared her the details of the wedding plans I was already making for “us” and how his stalling is frustrating progress. Linda’s response basically threw the spanner in the works. Needless to say, the daily hang-outs after work is fast on a decline.
I think I might have blown it again! *sigh*
Source: Google Images
Nubian’s thoughts:
I am of the opinion it is imperative to inculcate a habit of taking matters of the heart slow and steady. It is an innate nature of humans to get thrilled and excited about the prospect of meeting or hanging out with a new person. However, it is not uncommon to get carried away in the euphoria of that moment which in most cases cloud our sense of reason and judgment. Yes, there is always an exception to the rule but I do not believe it happens in everyone’s situation as a lot of people would like to claim. It is possible to comprehensively understand the principles of a business theory, an application, a craft, a script, a storyline in three weeks but not an individual! Man as a specie (not just the male gender) is far too complex for absolute comprehension within such time-line.The most we can get are impressions which could be easily flawed with time.
The passage of time reveals a whole lot and there is no gimmick we can play to fast-track that. We are pretty much disposed to putting our best foot forward at the beginning, for every man serves the best wine first. However, with the passage of time, guards would be let down eventually. It is only a matter of time before the walls of pretense come tumbling down (if any).
Naturally, fondness is bred through consistent association with a particular person but the fact remains, you cannot base crucial life altering decisions on three weeks of fraternizing. There are many hurdles to leap over before getting to that final one. I am yet to see an athlete being rewarded for not completing his leaps in a typical 110m hurdle race. It is understandable that pressures from various quarters can involuntarily force people to go over these hurdles haphazardly or boycott it altogether but it is a gamble that is yet to pay off for most.
I see and hear from so many “Doras” on a regular basis. One common denominator I have observed about them is the deliberate act of loosing all sense of reasoning, forcefully willing a serious relationship out of every potential hook-up. We all tend to give the impression as people with set rules,values and standards when discussing what we want in a partner but quite a number of us quickly compromise the same set rules, values and standards in real-life scenarios. It is absolutely impossible to acquire a reasonable overview of another for the purpose of critical analysis within such short period of time. Talk is cheap, anybody can say anything to you but only time would allow you sift the wheat from the chaff. Choosing to be under-analytical is detrimental to say the least.
I could go on and on but at this point, I’d rather drop my final two cents for the many “Doras” out there while I await yours as well:
Let it breathe…
Allow the passage of time to guide your sense of judgment and reason through the process. We all at some point compromise but it really should be done for the right reasons, with the right kind of person for you.Do not be quick to make blind justifications nor get caught in the web of clichéd expressions. You need to keep your wits about you even as your heart flutters and imagination accelerates. Constantly take cautious steps back for the sole purpose of re-analyzing and evaluating the ongoing dynamics of your alliance with that person. Set standards if you’ve got none, get better ones if you’ve got some. Be less driven by the motivation to get to the altar at all costs without putting into consideration the quality of the yarns you are gathering to create your marriage tapestry.
I say again, Talk is cheap! Do not get carried away by that which is vocalized, for with practice, anyone can perfect the art of speaking without intent. Actions speak tons and it is only with time can you, almost without effort, create the opportunities for various scenarios wherein you can see one another react without inhibitions. Only then can you draw reasonable conclusions.
Let it breathe!
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Bang out of order!!!
21 Feb 2012 3 Comments
in Rantings.com Tags: lifestyle, manners, Nuisance, out of order, scruples
A trip to my local bank is never one I look forward to. On very extreme days, I could wait almost half an hour if not more in a queue just to find a parking bay for my silver baby! As I wait impatiently in my car, my heart sinks further as I watch more and more people file into the bank. I begin to dread the sight of the packed banking hall which always reminds me of a can of sardine. There are two things that creep me out anytime I am in this particular local branch. Three things actually. First of , people who just think it is completely alright to barge into an existing queue from a point other than the end of the queue. The second being the “too close for comfort” queuers and finally, the BO exuders…they knock me out, literally!
I take solace in knowing that I have control over two of these three abnormalities. I am yet to experience a queue jumper get served before me…*satisfactory grin*. Even, the branch manager has come to know me for this reason. Some may say it’s petty but such a thing I do not let slide because in my books, it is ….bang out-of-order! It is my “corporate social responsibility” as long as I am on that particular queue to right such wrong! As for the “too close for comfort” queuers, I simply say it as it is. I mean, you inching into me with every shuffle in the queue does not get you any closer to the counter until it’s your turn so what the heck? My friend…back off! I have come to realise, some folks don’t understand that every individual has a right to a certain degree of personal space in a public area.
Moving on, I am of the opinion that there are unwritten rules that govern BBM (Blackberry Messenger) usage and its users. Rules different from those stipulated in the terms and conditions from RIM. By default I am nocturnal and thankfully my kind of work makes it permissible. Once it’s nightfall,I become as active as the stars in the night. A night ago, while i was in the zone at about 2 am, there came a broadcast that rudely distracted me. I pinged the sender right back, making my displeasure known. She had the nerve to say I should have kept my phone on the silent mode amongst other snide remarks! The cheek of it! Apparently, the concept of such act being unwelcoming at that time of the day was too enormous for her to grasp! I was livid, putting it mildly, but kept my cool. An imminent deletion looms over her PIN as this has become second nature for her.
The presence of my PIN on your BBM is not an express license for indiscriminate sending of unsolicited broadcasts to me round the clock. This should be a no-brainer. Accepted, quite a number of entrepreneurs use the free service for business and product promotion but sending business related advertorial to your contacts outside reasonable business hours is just an unscrupulous business move….bang out of order!
Asides that, it makes no business sense and defeats the purpose for the following reasons;
- most people, if not all, are in no mood to deal with anything official or business-like after a long and hectic day at work.
- it’s a sign of disrespect and invasion of personal space to send broadcasts at wee hours and don’t tell me “what if it’s an emergency?” You can’t possibly need the attention of every d**n person on your BBM contact list. Whatever happened to next of kin!
- such broadcasts may never be read simply because it ticked the receiver off!
- it is best to send people advertorial messages at a time when attention is at the peak for most. Somewhere between 8 am and 8 pm seem ideal.
I have had to delete a few chronic BBM broadcasters and miscreants off my list. After all, it’s my phone and can most def do that which I deem fit with it.
Enough said. I feel a sequel in the offing, certainly!
