Bang out of order!!!

A trip to my local bank is never one I look forward to. On very extreme days, I could wait almost half an hour if not more in a queue just to find a parking bay for my silver baby! As I wait impatiently in my car, my heart sinks further as I watch more and more people file into the bank. I begin to dread the sight of the packed banking hall which always reminds me of a can of sardine. There are two things that creep me out anytime I am in this particular local branch. Three things actually. First of , people who just think it is completely alright to barge into an existing queue from a point other than the end of the queue. The second being the “too close for comfort” queuers and finally, the BO exuders…they knock me out, literally!

I take solace in knowing that I have control over two of these three abnormalities. I am yet to experience a queue jumper get served before me…*satisfactory grin*. Even, the branch manager has come to know me for this reason. Some may say it’s petty but such a thing I do not let slide because in my books, it is ….bang out-of-order! It is my “corporate social responsibility” as long as I am on that particular queue to right such wrong! ūüôā As for the “too close for comfort” queuers, I simply say it as it is. I mean, you inching into me with every shuffle in the queue does not get you any closer to the counter until it’s your turn so what the heck? My friend…back off! I have come to realise, some folks don’t understand that every individual has a right to a certain degree of personal space in a public area.

Moving on, I am of the opinion that there are unwritten rules that govern BBM (Blackberry Messenger) usage and its users. Rules different from those stipulated in the terms and conditions from RIM. By default I am nocturnal and thankfully my kind of work makes it permissible. Once it’s nightfall,I become as active as the stars in the night. A night ago, while i was in the zone at about 2 am, there came a broadcast that rudely distracted me. I pinged the sender right back, making my displeasure known. She had the nerve to say I should have kept my phone on the silent mode amongst other snide remarks! The cheek of it! Apparently, the concept of such act being unwelcoming at that time of the day was too enormous for her to grasp! I was livid, putting it mildly, but kept my cool. An imminent deletion looms over her PIN as this has become second nature for her.

The presence of my PIN on your BBM is not an express license for indiscriminate sending of unsolicited broadcasts to me round the clock. This should be a no-brainer. Accepted, quite a number of entrepreneurs use the free service for business and product promotion but sending business related advertorial to your contacts outside reasonable business hours is just an unscrupulous business move….bang out of order!

Asides that, it makes no business sense and defeats the purpose for the following reasons;

– most people, if not all, are in no mood to deal with anything official or business-like after a long and hectic day at work.

– it’s a sign of disrespect and invasion of personal space ¬†to send broadcasts at wee hours and don’t tell me “what if it’s an emergency?” You can’t possibly ¬†need the attention of every d**n person on your BBM contact list. Whatever happened to next of kin!

– such broadcasts may never be read simply because it ticked the receiver off!

Рit is best to send people advertorial messages at a time when attention is at the  peak for most. Somewhere between 8 am and 8 pm seem ideal.

I have had to delete a few chronic BBM broadcasters and miscreants off my list. After all, it’s my phone and can most def do that which I deem fit with it.

Enough said. I feel a sequel in the offing, certainly!

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Help! I’m drowning in distraction.

The private confessions of Guy Sleek:

This time I’m hoping for a different ending. I met her by some random act of fate. The connection was there like with any other time when I set my eyes on a damsel with great intellect and amazing body. We hit the turbo switch from the get-go with the intention of making it worthwhile. She is of great demeanour and charisma, ticks a lot of my boxes, more than 70% of my checklist to be candid! We became good friends at a very healthy pace. Soon after, we started dating. I secretly hoped I’d stay long enough for it to transit to a more serious thing.

Fast forward a few months and here I am, faced with my inner demons yet again. It is often said, men are moved by what they see but the truth is we can’t ‘move’ all we see. In my private thoughts I wonder constantly, “what if I’m settling for less than I can get?” This is where it always begins and once it starts, my focus dwindles. The commitment phobia sets in and I begin to systematically disconnect almost like an involuntary act of the blinking eyes. My eyes and mind begin to rove like that of a ready hunter set for the next kill.

As a guy, I am constantly seeing but most times, what I see is the less than 30% which my present girlfriend fails to tick. True saying, you can’t eat your cake and have it however I’ve always tried to maintain a dual focus. A struggle which leaves me exasperated, I must say. It never works and not looking like it would this time around! The vision of a skilled hunter is tunnelled, this much I know. Little wonder I always drown in the game of distraction. The painful part is I have lost some amazing women to this game of foolishness. The grass is never greener on the other side. They lied! It never is!

Save me from my self-destructive tendencies for I am only a man overtaken by his insatiable ambition for excellence in all spheres of life. I once read that if your eyes be single, you’d be illuminated. I would be marking yet another milestone in a few weeks and I am prepared for all sort of remarks that would pour in if not exceed the number of tangible gifts I receive. If it is true all men have wandering eyes, how do they do it then? How do they go ahead to commit? Even the green-eyed, two-headed monsters amongst us commit. I am nothing near that yet this seems a daunting task, a tall order in my case.

What am I doing wrongly? The 80-20 rule makes no sense once I begin to toll this treacherous path. Somewhere deep down, I desire to see this through. Sadly, the waves of distraction are beginning to draw me further away from the shores of her safe arms!

Save a broda!

Help!!!

Ladies Love Lies! Do they?

Today I simply feel like rambling! ūüôā

Sniffing through blogs the other day to get my daily fix, I couldn’t but notice a lot of the rantings I stumbled on. They all seem to centre on the same theme – relationships and all the drama that could possibly come with it. One that really stood out for me was the “six words and cold turkey” write-up. It made me laugh and got me thinking. It is common saying that the signs are always there but ladies just choose to ignore them, hoping against hope, desiring the undesirable, willing their fantasies into reality literally.

I made a brief visit to a bookstore days back and I found a book with a title that caught my eyes immediately:¬†“Men are like waffles, Women are like spaghetti” . Quickly, I browsed through the chapters and my eyes settled on one in which the author tried to explore the world of male & female parallel differences. It is safe to say the issue is a dead horse yet a lot of people never get to understand it – some, for a lifetime! – hence the persistent tensions and the continuous battle of the sexes that would remain as long as the world exists.

Interestingly, an email I got on the 6th of February fixated my thoughts on a subject I find pretty complex. In the said email, the writer emphatically stated that men lie all the time and gave justifiable reasons in his opinion. I would be citing some excerpts from the email:

“If you’re like most women you’ve probably been¬†lied to by a man . . .¬†Actually, I can pretty much guarantee it.¬†The simple fact is, men¬†lie to women all the time . . .¬†About little things . ..¬†About big things . . .¬†About things that don’t seem to matter at all . . .¬†And a lot of women want to know¬†WHY?¬†WHY¬†can’t he just tell me the truth?”

He went on to state 1 of 3 reasons for this supposedly preposterous act towards the womankind based on a survey research done by some nationally known relationship expert in the US.

“There’s actually¬†THREE¬†reasons¬†that men lie to women (and two of them¬†are actually pretty innocent . . . here’s the first¬†one that tends to¬†SHOCK¬†a lot of women.) Michael says that men lie to women because men are SCARED¬†of women. Not physically (not usually, though occasionally you hear¬†about a woman going all “Bobbet” on her¬†man.)¬†Nope, Michael says men are scared of women’s¬†EMOTIONS. Women can both¬†enter and recover from extreme¬†emotional states a¬†LOT¬†faster¬†and easier than guys can.”

Right! So, men lie and ladies love lies.

The mother of them all was this article I read last night, “The other woman speaks…loving the man and his ring”. It blew my mind literally. This girl met a guy who professed so much love for her whilst getting married to someone else. She knew about it yet held on to a relationship built on lies and illusions. ¬†Agreed, people lie all the time irrespective of the gender but what baffles me is when a woman still holds on knowing fully well all she is hearing are lies.

A man would swear by anything that he always lay the cards bare on the table but most ladies still read it otherwise. From my observation, the world’s undisputed sand castle builders are ladies. I mean…. how does a first time outing with a guy ends up in wedding plans less than a week later. Gosh!!! ¬†I feel when a guy speaks, it sounds mostly like¬†gibberish¬†to the female ears and in other not to waste that communication, a lady gives it her own interpretation…lol

I really need to hear your reaction on this one guys….

Does the emotional flippancy of the female specie justify the irrational dispensation of lies to her?

Why would a lady hope against hope that the lies being doled out to her would suddenly become the truth?

PS: “I love listening to lies when I know the truth” – An ¬†amazing view-point in my opinion!

I can do good all by myself!

“Oh, this is so beautiful”, they chorused in excitement but one. All eyes gleaming, all smiles beaming, everyone talking about the it but one. Sweet pandemonium filled the room, imaginations unchaining at the speed of light, everyone suggesting but one. Suddenly, she belted out a scream so screechy¬†and piercing, halting every on-going. The silence that followed was deafening, no one moving but one. Calmly she stood, picking up her bits and bobs, reaching for the door knob, not looking back, in a twinkle she was gone.

Where she was headed, I knew. This was no strange occurrence. Calling it tradition would be an understatement. I let her a moment to herself and an hour later I made my way to her safe haven. There she was, with her hour-glass frame curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth with hands over head, barely noticing her space invader. I stopped few metres away from her, pondering what to say to her this time. A part of me resented her for punishing herself in such manner. Though, tired myself, compassion prevailed. I knelt silently next to her embracing her tightly. Quietly we rocked to the rhythm of the unspoken words.

Until four years back, Alice was of an effervescent demeanour. Things went pear-shaped right after she stumbled upon George’s Pandora’s box. It was a relationship built on lies, everyone saw through him but her and all attempts to fore-warn her she deliberately aborted. Their whirlwind of passionate romance lasted 4 months, he had even proposed by the third month of their meeting before the dark dragon got¬†unleashed. He hid his crack addiction for so long but the lid just couldn’t keep it down any longer.

The shock jolts from the discovery threw her off-balance but she soon recovered after manipulating herself into believing she could change him. The abuse started not long after and for every time he¬†violated¬†her, she forgave and stayed in. He tested her limits of indulgence and maxed it thoroughly. No amount of talking to got through to her. She desperately held on, dreading the thought of being alone. Now, that, I couldn’t wrap my head around. What’s the point holding on to a relationship that constantly erodes you of self-worth, self-respect, self-dignity, self-everything?! I thought endlessly about her circumstance. The more I did, the more questions I asked.

“You honestly need to walk away from it all”, I said to her quietly. I mean, she had become his punching bag, a means through which he expressed his pent-up frustration, resentment, anger and inadequacies as a failing man. She stared continuously at the ring on her left index finger, a precious circular piece that should have been a symbol of unending ‚Äé‚ÄčL‚ô•‚ąöōĻ, respect and a promise of fidelity. This was far from it in her case. I took a quick glance at it and all I could see was a heavy metal holding her down in bondage, shrouding her sense of clarity and judgement. She managed to muffle out these words amidst cries, “the truth is; I am afraid to be alone, all by myself. The mere thought of it gives me panic attacks.”

“This is twisted”, I thought to myself. Why do people ever so willingly sacrifice priceless solitude on the altar of an unhealthy relationship? Could it be the fear of the unknown? Could it be an inferiority complex issue? Could it be to keep up appearance or fit into societal status quo? Could it be to manage peer & family pressure? Could it be for material gains at the expense of losing one’s mind & soul? Could it be for validation? What could it be? What could it be? I pondered.

I once saw on a friend’s bbm status update, “The most important career choice you’d make is who you marry”. I churned this saying several times over in my head and couldn’t disagree with it. If so, why do people still compromise?

Still cradled in my arms, this time I damned all possible consequences, braced myself and told my home girl …”You are better than this. Count your losses and move on!” With tears streaming down, she stood and walked away!

Intelligence turns me on…I must be sapiosexual!

Gracefully, the sleek ride, a jet black 2011 Porsche Cayenne, pulled neatly into an empty parking bay….he stepped out. Towering 6.4 feet tall with frame that could have given Hercules an Usain Bolt run for his money….he drew nigh. I watched him through my dark sunglasses as he made his way to the terrace lounge bar. Quickly I said my classic prayer, “oh let his brain surpass his frame!” ¬†He found me in no time and we exchanged warm pleasantries. “Damn, he smells good”, I thought.

We ordered our preferences and quickly settled into some form of casual conversation. Not so long after, the dreaded nightmare began. With every utterance he made, my heart sank, the fire quelled. In no time I realised he’s also been afflicted with what I call the FBNS (Fine Boy No Substance) syndrome. Trying hard not to give up so soon like with previous dates, I said to myself, “Girl, change the topic. Maybe that would bring out the kind of intelligence you are desperately hoping to experience “. I was wrong!

I find it disrespectful when people on a date wouldn’t stop checking their phones or pinging! Funny but that was exactly what I felt like doing. I resisted the urge and could only pray I’d be saved by the bell. Before I could finish the prayers, my phone rang, yay! A quick glance at my phone screen revealed the name of a stalker. Right! Should I let this ring out or use it as my bail ticket? I settled for the latter and excused myself from his presence. On returning to the table, I was ready to deliver my classic “I gotta go” speech. ¬†*Evil grin*. Date ended abruptly…sweet relief!

Seriously, what is the matter with me? I just blew yet another dude away. I mean… he’s got the looks, the swag, the deep baritone voice that would send sweet shivers down a woman’s spine, he’s even got the benjamins. Sadly, none of these could make me look beyond his shallow mind. Without mincing words, my tolerance level for daftness is at a record low. How could a man so fine ¬†be eluded of an incisive mind? Moreso, why can’t I overlook this deficiency and for the sake of companionship – settle? Ain’t no spring chicken and it’s been eons since my last relationship. Having grown a tough skin for the incessant complaints from the committee of friends and family, settling, rather, compromising is no option.

Then, there it was, a word I never knew existed yet perfectly described my insatiable condition. I learnt it was invented by Wolfieboy of LiveJournal (Darren Stalder) in 1998. It is a concatenated word of latin origin. Sapio, a latin root word from sapiens which means wise or intelligent and sexualis, as it pertains to sexual preferences.

Sapiosexual – Turned on by intelligence.

Alas! It was relieving to know I’m perfectly normal. Comforted ¬†in the knowledge that there are many a people like me out there. ūüôā

I am sapiosexual, an unapologetic one at that!

Are you?

TRUST: Can you handle it?

A phone call at 3:30am woke me hurriedly from my sleep. I had barely gotten two and a half hours of night rest after a draining work day. My initial intended reaction was to greet the caller with an impressive rude remark but I was stopped dead in my tracks when I heard on the other end of the line intense sobs….”It’s me, Charlotte” she managed to say between tears. “But why? Why? Why does it hurt so much? I trusted him… He promised I’d be his one and only!”¬†The conversation lasted 45¬†minutes. At 4:15am in the morning, I was officially awake for the day. I pondered objectively on the heart wrenching details I just heard, trying to find the perfect entry point for analysis. ¬†She said she trusted him…

A random update on my bbm (Blackberry messenger) status later same day lead to yet another outpouring, only this time from a guy. He bluntly said, “I don’t trust anyone, I can’t trust anyone.” There goes that word again…”TRUST.”

What¬†does it mean to trust? Why do we trust? Why does it tear us up when trust is betrayed? How the dynamics of trust function I still can’t comprehend in totality. However, I realise everyone does not want their trust betrayed.

Expecting¬†your trust in a friend, a lover, a spouse, a partner or whosoever not to be betrayed when you, as an individual, are capable of betraying someone else’s trust in you is a sign of the early stages of lunacy in my frank opinion. You cannot expect what you are unwilling to offer. Now, here is the twist; the willingness to stay true and trustworthy to another is not a guarantee that the other won’t betray your trust in them, sadly. I genuinely find this bit worrisome.

Vicious¬†cycle I hear you say….arrrgggghhhhh!!!!! ūüė¶

Bringing¬†the topic closer, let’s start by asking ourselves; what does my worthiness read on the ‘Trust-O-Meter’?¬†Taking a leaf ¬†from the Merriam Webster Dictionary, trust is said to be an

¬†“assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something,one in which confidence is placed”

Trust¬†and character are like¬†Siamese¬†twins, joined at the hips! ¬†One cannot be separated from the other. It is a two-way street. So I put the question out to you once again, What does your worthiness read on the ‘Trust-O-Meter’? The answer to this question for an averagely realistic person shouldn’t be rocket science. A simple analysis of the strength of your character should give a clear indication on a scale of 1 to 10 how trustworthy you are. The strength of character of a person has a direct bearing on the quality & measure of trust that can be invested in such given individual.

There¬†are so many noteworthy quotes that I could reel out on the issue of character but the intention is not to bore you so let’s just stick to this one by J.C. Watts;

“Character is doing the right thing when nobody is looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.”

Before you go demanding trust or expecting  reciprocation of same, there is the need for you to first strengthen your character positively. It takes a conscious and deliberate effort to achieve this. It is constant practice. Are you one who finds great delight in back-stabbing a supposed BFF (Best friends forever)? Take a step back and try to trace the root cause of such action. It could stem from unsorted issues such as parental neglect while growing, low self-esteem, jealousy or sheer wickedness! A perpetual liaison with negative emotions is highly detrimental to character building. Purposing to be a better person is a good place to start.

The¬†moment you can build character within, you become a better judge of character without! Never be in a hurry to trust. You need time to know an individual before you can qualify such as¬†trustworthy¬†or not. Just as respect is earned, so also, trust should be earned. Basing trust purely on your feelings for a person could result in devastating traumas…*warning chimes*….be guided!¬†The irony is… for as long as we remain humans (not like we’re going to evolve into some new age specie anyway ūüôā ) we cannot be isolated from relationships. So, the sooner the better we learn how to handle trust issues.