Let it breathe…

We were welcomed by the regular chaos on the high street as Linda and I stepped out of the office for lunch. The sun was out in all its glory, scorching us bitterly as we made a brisk five-minute walk to our regular café. The unrelenting smack on her face gave her away, I knew she had something up her sleeves. Quickly, we ordered some sinful delights without caution nor consideration for the possible side effects. Let the scales deal with that!

The first bite barely made it into my mouth before she launched her attack. Like Russian missiles on a deadly mission, her questions, observations, suggestions and brilliant hook-up idea kept pouring in. The thought of an impending hook-up thrilled me. I must confess, a hopeless romantic I am! The greasy meal that laid before me was barely touched and fast running cold as I mopped every juicy detail of Ken with eager anticipation. In my usual self, I was already standing next to a faceless Ken at the altar. Hopeless “desperado” I hear you say. Whatever!!!

Come friday same week, my status update read “TGIF”, right across all my social media platforms. I mean, my tweet, Facebook update, bbm update…name it. It meant much more than the last work day of the week for me this time around. I was super crazy excited. Linda had arranged “the Ken and I” hook-up for the day, yay! Concentration at work was a lost battle with spasms of day-dreaming filling most of my unproductive hours. The plan was, to be picked up by Ken from my workplace at half six in the evening. He was right on time.

My heart raced faster than Hamilton’s car on Formula 1 track as my phone rang and his name stared right back at me. Trembling as I picked his call, I managed to comport my vocals as he announced his arrival. Hurriedly, I dashed out of the office and with every strength I could muster, slowed down and walked gracefully toward him. His smile was endearing, that melted my heart permanently. The evening was fast spent with every second invested in knowing more about each other. Every single evening of the subsequent days became our haven, our ritual, our private tradition. Asking me to write a mini biography about him wouldn’t be a tall order.

It’s now three weeks and two days since I met Ken and it feels like the “relationship” is stuck in a blurry spot. I need to know what we are doing. We are getting too invested in this or is it just me. I boldly asked Ken the next evening where exactly is the destination of all these. He communicates with precision but his response on this occasion was incoherent. He developed an instant case of chronic stammer. This has now left me apprehensive.

I ran my thoughts by Linda the next day at work and I was taken aback with her response. “Dora, I think it’s rather too soon to query such”, she said. In my defense, I told her how much time we have been spending together and how he ticks a lot of my boxes and how open he is in communicating. “What if he has said all he wants to say to you already?” , she asked. This gave me rude jolts.

I spared her the details of the wedding plans I was already making for “us” and how his stalling is frustrating progress. Linda’s response basically threw the spanner in the works. Needless to say, the daily hang-outs after work is fast on a decline.

I think I might have blown it again! *sigh*

Source: Google Images

Nubian’s thoughts:

I am of the opinion it is imperative to inculcate a habit of taking matters of the heart slow and steady. It is an innate nature of humans to get thrilled and excited about the prospect of meeting or hanging out with a new person. However, it is not uncommon to get carried away in the euphoria of that moment which in most cases cloud our sense of reason and judgment. Yes, there is always an exception to the rule but I do not believe it happens in everyone’s situation as a lot of people would like to claim. It is possible to comprehensively understand the principles of a business theory, an application, a craft, a script, a storyline in three weeks but not an individual! Man as a specie (not just the male gender) is far too complex for absolute comprehension within such time-line.The most we can get are impressions which could be easily flawed with time.

The passage of time reveals a whole lot and there is no gimmick we can play to fast-track that. We are  pretty much disposed to  putting our best foot forward at the beginning, for every man serves the best wine first. However, with the passage of time, guards would be let down eventually. It is only a matter of time before the walls of pretense come tumbling down (if any).

Naturally, fondness is bred through consistent association with a particular person but the fact remains, you cannot base crucial life altering decisions on three weeks of fraternizing. There are many hurdles to  leap over before getting to that final one. I am yet to see an athlete being rewarded for not completing his leaps in a typical 110m hurdle race. It is understandable that pressures from various quarters can involuntarily force people to go over these hurdles haphazardly or boycott it altogether but it is a gamble that is yet to pay off for most.

I see and hear from so many “Doras” on a regular basis. One common denominator I have observed about them is the deliberate act of loosing all sense of reasoning, forcefully willing a serious relationship out of every potential hook-up. We all tend to give the impression as people with set rules,values and standards when discussing what we want in a partner but quite a number of us quickly compromise the same set rules, values and standards in real-life scenarios. It is absolutely impossible to acquire a reasonable overview of another for the purpose of critical analysis within such short period of time. Talk is cheap, anybody can say anything to you but only time would allow you sift the wheat from the chaff. Choosing to be under-analytical is detrimental to say the least.

I could go on and on but at this point, I’d rather drop my final two cents for the many “Doras” out there while I await yours as well:

Let it breathe…

Allow the passage of time to guide your sense of judgment and reason through the process. We all at some point compromise but it really should be done for the right reasons, with the right kind of person for you.Do not be quick to make blind justifications nor get caught in the web of clichéd expressions. You need to keep your wits about you even as your heart flutters and imagination accelerates. Constantly take cautious steps back for the sole purpose of re-analyzing and evaluating the ongoing dynamics of your alliance with that person. Set standards if you’ve got none, get better ones if you’ve got some. Be less driven by the motivation to get to the altar at all costs without putting into consideration the quality of the yarns you are gathering to create your marriage tapestry.

I say again, Talk is cheap! Do not get carried away by that which is vocalized, for with practice, anyone can perfect the art of speaking without intent. Actions speak tons and it is only with time can you, almost without effort, create the opportunities for various scenarios wherein you can see one another react without inhibitions. Only then can you draw reasonable conclusions.

Let it breathe!


9 thoughts on “Let it breathe…

  1. carmen banks says:

    This is well written.I feel like I was part of d “Ken n Dora” drama.I must confess though,we ladies truly have to let it breathe n mind u,not all relationships leads to marriage.

  2. B says:

    Seriously, still can’t get it! Why do we always feel that every relationship must end in marriage?! Meeting a guy over 3 weeks and loosing every sense of judgement you have is ridiculous. I think as ladies, we really need to chill out and give ourselves room to enjoy every step of our relationships without putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves and even on the men. Enough said!!!

  3. dayo says:

    hmmmmm!!! well said, i can remember planning a wedding in my head with the boy that winked at me in primary school lol. Dunno why we all like to assume or think the other person is thinking the same thing as us. On the flip side if you know you don’t want more than friendship with the other party please let it show in your actions as well.

    Lets not waste each others time

  4. This is a well written piece that got me all excited. It is a point of view that i have always believed to be true and you have expatiated on this fact fabulously. In addition to your finely written piece, I would like to add that the passage of time, while breaking down the potential bogus veils of misplaced intentions, will also enable eternal bonds of friendships to be developed over time.

    I am of the school of thought that no one should marry anyone without a foundation of committed friendship, for this alone will form a stronger foundation than mere infatuation should conflict arise (ant it certainly will). Time also enables both parties to know whether this friendship once developed and nurtured still harbours deep attraction or will alas be purely platonic.

    With a good friend there are eventually no veils of misplaced intentions and all matters are laid bare as they are. If a marriage relationship develops out of that, it is more difficult to break as a tough layer of friendship lay underneath any potential facade of unbridled infatuation.

  5. Lynn says:

    awesome…that’s the word. Infact i have quoted you on facebook. Ladies really need to hear this. Often times we build castles in the air and get carried away by talk. I always say follow a guy who not only talks the talk but also walks the walk.

    visit http://lynnville.blogspot.com/ to read my articles on “love that endures” and a “woman’s worth”.

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