Take A Chill Pill, Please!

I live in a society, particularly, a city that is largely driven by impressions. Real or apparent, that is besides the point! What others think of you is the motivating force, sometimes the only motivation for a lot of the things we do. It is the status quo syndrome that fosters the need to conform even if it means staying untrue to self. Being a non-conformist by nature, I find it amusing and sometimes distasteful when I see people exhibiting symptoms of this long-standing societal malady which is often accompanied by the need to oppress others while at it. It is so entrenched in the system; you’d be wrong to call it a trend.

This ideology that borders on oppressing and intimidating others or treating people condescendingly simply because they do not fit into “your class” is pretty shallow, baseless and sickening. I believe people in general should be treated right and with equality regardless their creed, beliefs, faith and economic standing. It’s sad but it is not uncommon to find at the root of most aspirations the need to prove our superiority to people who don’t give a toss; people who are simply consumed with their own daily struggles.

The city of Lagos

The city of Lagos

We are often encouraged to make each day count towards bettering ourselves as individuals but how often do we bear this in mind as we relate with people? In the bid to massage this ego tripping , tactless utterances are dispersed  towards others like arrows on a deadly mission without consideration nor inhibition. I find it commonplace for some people to think because of their “exposure” and “pedigree”, it is impossible to mingle or be nice to someone outside their “caucus”. Truth be told, that is a sign of complex, a cancerous one at that.

Like the undiscriminating Tsetse fly, this state of delusive thinking bites and affects both the poor and rich. Often times I wonder what the madness is all about. There is the constant need to show-off, the need to earn bragging rights over nothing. This is often a subset of self-validation. I believe there is more to life than this myopic state of living. Understand, Life is like a mirror; you can only see as much as it reflects per time. Do yourself a favour and take a chill pill with the arrogance, pride and condescending nastiness towards others; situations change with time. You’d be surprised! 🙂

I am certain this is not only peculiar to my city; some of you can relate to it one way or the other. I’d love to hear your opinion(s) on this matter. Let’s get talking.

Photo Credit: Jimmy Lawanson Photography


Love Me Patiently!


Today has been a pretty laid back day for me and I just finished seeing the movie The Vow. Yeah, yeah…call me stale, that doesn’t really bother me :p …lol!  It is indeed a beautiful movie inspired by true events. Here is my brief;

Paige moved into the city, a result of strained family relationships, met Leo, fell in love and they got married. After which, they had a ghastly accident which left Paige in coma for several weeks. Upon recovery, she suffered partial memory loss. She couldn’t remember anything post her move to the city…meaning, she became clueless of who Leo was and is. In a nutshell, this tested the love they once deeply shared…

If  you are yet to see the movie, I suggest you find time to. It’s a good one and the first movie that I would be musing about on my blog. 🙂


This movie only affirms my belief as it relates to love. To love is a decision and not just a feeling. It transcends all the butterflies that flutter in your belly at the thought  or sight of a pretty chic/tall dark & handsome. Loving demands patience and that is NOT optional. However, we live in a time where our very existence is threatened by the need for instantaneous gratification. We want everything now and any deviation from what we presume to be the ideal must be done away with. We are least bothered about working through the process. If it’s not happening now, it’s not acceptable. End of!

Here’s my question, How often do we look within ourselves to see if we hold in us that which we demand or are demanding of others? I think the 21st century media has significantly contributed to this Instantaneous Gratification Syndrome that now plagues us as a generation. To fix a broke gear takes a process, our problem is, we lack that patience and positive outlook required to endure that repair process. I can’t remember where but I read the saying of an elderly couple not too long ago which i will paraphrase. They said the reason younger marriages don’t last in today’s world is because in their time, if it’s broken, you FIX it! However, with our generation, if it’s broken, you DISCARD it! That’s the IGS at work. 😦

The kind of love expressed by Leo towards his confused wife Paige is one that teaches acceptance, tolerance, patience and sheer kindness. There is the need to understand that we as humans have different forms encapsulated in us. I can strongly testify to that for I am a woman with plenteous idiosyncrasies…trust me ( laughing)! I have accepted this as an intrinsic part of my being and I make the conscious effort to accept and deal with fellow humans with this same mindset. Everyone has “issues”, seriously, we all got issues!!! And the frustrating bit is that people judge you without walking an inch in your shoes and even try to justify their judgement of you. The reality is, the shoes are mine, they are on my feet and you are never going to wear them because you are never going to be me. So, rather than hurriedly judge another for character  flaws, I’m learning to exercise more patience as I have cause to relate with people. Accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be.

Here’s the fun part. It is never a smooth ride and that is where patience with endurance come in. I beg to say this is what is majorly lacking in our generation. We all want life on the fast lane. We are never willing to wait it out or see it through. Always looking for the next big thing. This is the attitude the media is successfully imparting into us through adverts, songs, magazines and what have you. People who are in touch with “real” life would tell you that with every relationship comes its own testing. Get real!

I was watching a reality TV show the other day and practically all the participants did not forget to say they are fun persons meanwhile, they got about 90 days to prove this of which many turn out to be yawn-fests. At that point, it occurred to me, this cliché -“I’m a fun person”- is actually overrated. Relationships, be it marriage or otherwise, do and would go through boring patches. So, before you “fun-loving person” hop on the next funky ride, can you try bringing the fun into your relationship first of before going-a-seeking. I mean, Leo could have hopped like a free-spirited bird on to the next fun thing rather than loving her patiently with all her idiosyncrasies but he understood love and its demands. The moral of the story is, When you are there in it, be there. Give it your all else you may outsmart yourself. It’s a mix bag, be ready to take it all.

Sometimes, when there seem to be a major road block, it necessarily doesn’t spell quit, rather, starting from where it all started, going back to the beginning may be all you need to do to  help bring it all into perspective.

Another aspect of the movie that struck me deeply is the sheer pressure that comes from family. In our bid to keep them sweet, we play to the family gallery at the expense of fostering a meaningful relationship with our partner. We want to meet their expectations even when it means throwing away the real thing in order to conform. It may sound mean but I find it true, sometimes, our families try to influence us in our relationships and most times, they do a very shoddy job while at it. Understanding priorities and learning to prioritize them according to their importance is of great essence.

That’s me done….I love the movie and would see it again. Had so many notable quotes in it. I will leave you with this one.

“A moment of impact holds potential for change, has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict, sending some particles crashing together, making them closer than before while sending others spinning off  into great adventures, landing where you’d thought we’d never find them. You see, that’s – that’s the thing about moments like these. You can’t, no matter how hard you try, control how they’re going to affect you. You just got to let the colliding particles land where they’re meant and wait until the next collision.” – The Vow

A fellow blogger once said, “You don’t stop dreaming because you has a nightmare so don’t stop loving because you once loved and lost”

You never give up on ‎L♥√ع. That is who we are deep down. 🙂


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The Age of Maturity…

“Age is only but a number that offers a grand illusion of maturity to the unsuspecting. The higher the number, the more likely the susceptibility to this state of delusion. Contrary to the prevailing belief system, with age does not come maturity. Life has shown that men advanced in age can be left destitute of wisdom and sound counsel thus causing disbelief at certain attitudinal display at times.Maturity is a conscious state of being. It is a decision not just an acquisition through elongated existence on planet earth. Sadly, it is pretty easy to bask in the grandeur of this sad delusion.” – NubianWaters

A very thought provoking piece!

Thoughts of a Calabarboy.

Before you spread the word, take time to think first. How many times have you been fed a pitiful image about Africa that prompted you to suddenly become a temporary social media activist? You can’t remember? How many times have you watched a documentary framing an issue that speaks to a crisis in Africa, and you shed a tear and were moved to repost the video to your FB timeline, or even shared it inbox to raise awareness on the matter? Countless I imagine. I love this age we live in. One thing happens five time-zones away and we are inundated with reports of it in less than 5 minutes. We are buried in the innards of the information monster and we seem to be oblivious to its numbing effects on us.

So constantly we are faced with the reality of dual living; the social media avatars we present, and…

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